70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
