I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
