Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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