dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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