Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
