Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
two words...techno handjob
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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