I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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