Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
