Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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