I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
