Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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