he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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