Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
