So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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