And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
