I feel great
I just peed on a car
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
