I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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