I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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