bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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