At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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