I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The feeling are messing with the penis
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
