I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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