This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize