So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
