If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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