You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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