I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
