I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
