JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
