that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
