i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
