I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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