This is not my ceiling
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
