He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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