Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
