Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize