Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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