If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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