just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
