Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
