so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
