you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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