Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
