And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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