I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
