I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
