So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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