I can text with my tongue
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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