I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she peed on how many people?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
