I met the friendliest cop last night
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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