if you like me you must not know who I am
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
