the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
