tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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