Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
birth control should be required to get into college
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Damn victory sex feels great
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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