That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
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