he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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