I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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