i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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