mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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