You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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