The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There are leaves in my underwear?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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