And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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