my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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