All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
