The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
