I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize