She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
