i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
