I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
