I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
